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| Included in these humorous speeches and monologues you will find references to ... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| James
Taris
FUNNY ABOUT THAT Funny speeches and monologues This book (ebook) is an hilarious collection of funny speeches and monologues written as manual speeches for Toastmasters, to advance through the CTM (Competent Toastmaster) and ATM (Able Toastmaster) speech manuals. They were written over a 7-year period (1997-2003) and during this period, James Taris reached the level of ATM Silver. Toastmasters provided the perfect training course for James, who used his newly acquired skills and confidence to launch him into an international career as a public speaker and writer. In fact, between 2002 and 2004, he travelled to 19 countries on 5 continents, fulfilling speaking engagements and a dream of world travel that he'd harboured for decades. James realised very early in his Toastmasters club training that the best way to capture and retain an audience's attention was with the use of humour. So making his audience laugh became James' specialty. These speeches are his favourites. Making his audience laugh is still the greatest 'high' that James gets from speaking. "When you say something funny, and your audience laughs, you know that it's a genuine response and you've got through to them", James says. Actually, you'll find that James uses many of his funny speeches to deliver some very important messages to his audience. "It's incredibly hard to get an audience's attention when talking about a serious subject", James continues, "But by using humour, you capture their attention and they listen more carefully so they don't miss out on your next joke or funny line. That's the perfect time to hit them with something important ... something profound. You can then rest assured that your next message will be heard loud and clear. Then it's back to more humour. You can't afford to let them doze off for a minute!" Public speaking is quite an art, and James Taris has Toastmasters to thank for teaching him the skills, but more importantly, giving him the confidence to speak in front of an audience. These speeches and monologues are for your entertainment. And if your goal is to build confidence as a public speaker, they are also a testament to the value of Toastmasters as an excellent way to go. Finally, if you have a speech to give, using these speeches to get ideas is probably about the smartest thing you can do! |
1. Unforgettable Characters Toastmasters memories characters Cliff Young Colac marathon legend Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Joe Dolce No. 1 spot Top 40 Charts worst song of all time Shuddup Your Face Mark 'Jacko' Jackson Geelong The Highwayman Hollywood Kostas Poligamenos accountant photo studio dork boring guy 35 and single ladies money personality charisma undertaker bumper sticker desperate BMW unique name Greeks migrate English-speaking country anglicize names Panagiotis Giorgos Dimitrios Con creative accounting creative loophole finesse government Tax Packs CPA Income Tax Forms tax avoidence tax evasion jail trivial timing bank armed robbers wallets watches legend train trip salesmen conference Ballarat buying a ticket toilets conductor wager 2.
Honey Bees |
3. Eat More Not Less cousin Helen Weight-Watchers meeting gained weight chocolate mudcake dinner cake lack of willpower husband Peter disappointed Toastmasters dieting misunderstanding eating less often tasteless food diet effective eat more often tastier food fatty foods lean foods daily diet chocolates and cakes hamburgers French fries mangoes peaches cherries grilled fish skinless chicken fruit vegetable white meat calories overeat argument metabolism burning fat energy slow metabolism body fat survival hunter food gatherer 9 to 5 worker fast-food eater preservation system threat of famine hungry lunch break food shortage famine next meal harsh elements skipping breakfasts sandwich for lunch huge meal for dinner good rest asleep fat reserves craving for a meal decent food burn it off TV until bedtime first sign of hunger moving more often exercise motivated late seventies Derek workmate weighed 120 kgs local doctor dates morning beautiful girl tight track suit sexy voice chasing girl more confident gorgeous girl smile 4.
Bad Habits |
getting fat worst habit social eating friends coffee dinner homes restaurants hungry or not coffee or tea herbal tea urge calorie-rich sweets biscuits or cakes cravings drinking beer or wine drink water 8 glasses of water walking focus exercise healthier alternative different offering sweets guests fresh fruit tasty fruit mangoes bananas peaches apricots sweet aroma enjoy eating sitting and reading stand up working thinking planning jog-on-the-spot burn calories up-tempo music fun typing arms neck hips laugh work from home audience nauseous blubber shaking trapped ideas 5.
Not Quite Clinton Material 6.
Toast to Adam |
pa rdon me the originator local athletic club festival in honour of Adam start a race strict vegetarian first butcher running up hill meat wagon ribs exchange woman best trades of all time Garden of Eden lonely Eve sulking suspicious darling jealous first man first woman only two humans Earth wife sleep stressed restless confrontation wide awake hot-blooded woman careful awaken bearskin ribs men trusted women father of all mankind next generation grateful existence little poem James Taris two people Adam and Eve ran wearing leave twinkle appeared neared lay sleeve human race begun first son snake in the tree birds and the bees lift up your glasses drink forefather of all mankind 7.
Mr Miller |
8. The Kind-Hearted Wolf Kind -Hearted Wolf kind ugly Little Red Riding Hood inferiority complex scare energy work hard worker buy a huge property paradise retirement patch invaded pigs first little pig bludgers straw roof shock businessman approached cautiously pay rental justify his presense fool welfare clear the land repair the fences gate compensate rent discuss talk blood-sucking beast angry voice huff puff blow your house down second little pig squealing calm down settle things down trouble reasonable lose his temper intimidated built a shack made of sticks victims of oppression capitalist pig little piggies money hungry money grabber snapped verbally attacked provocation third little pig annoyed Big Bad Wolf pearly gates charitable nature three little pigs lived happily free of charge rumours evict failed triumphed aggressor happy and carefree falmilies buzzing neighbourhood two-story brick home mansion publicity negative interest sub-divided blocks sold good for business 9.
Why The Boss Gets Paid More |
10. Pericles-Athens Most Glorious Ruler Introduction greatest periods in history 460 BC 429 BC Golden Age of Greece Pericles ruled Athens democracy civilized brave and wise ruler leadership style unique thinking excelled imagination the glory of Athens mobile monologue Aristoteli gia sou boss Parthenon bad news on strike slaves formed Slave Trade Union Bob Hawke twelve-hour working day 8 hours sleep leisure time Greek theatre ridiculous build theatres toy drinking ouzo genius vision impressed Teli Vision Archimedes job builder scientist little box real actors pretend Zeus father of all Gods just do it faith Archie richly rewarded programs Kerry Packer Gods bless children fooling around randy old Greek prevent fathering villages richest man in the world programming rights theatre programs dramas comedies game shows inspire and motivate ideas Pericles Back Yard Sox in the City fool around lovely ladies Healthy Wealthy and Wise boy increase the price tickets trust me I'm Greek free businessman hungry lunch Niko's Souvlaki House souvlaki eureka advertising merchants pay handsomely KFC Kosta's Fantastic Chicken secret herbs and spices finger licki good Aphrodite's Massage get rich Niko buddy starving tsatsiki 11.
The Wandering Knight |
movie shower scene Anthony Perkins England horse Bart Cummings help broken down old nag wife mow the lawn you don't bring her flowers any more fastest horses in the world Rosy self-esteem Think Big diet King Arthur Sunshine Knights of the Round Table Charles Prince Andrew Edward Willie The Artist formerly known as Prince slaying saving licence to kill James Bond Camilla Greek camel Deed Poll Office change my name Don Dunstan Footscray Post Office redirection Daryl Summers politician unemployed best friends talking ostrich dumb duck Plucka Swan Tony Lockett Don Quixote Man of La Mancha Northern Territory adenture 12.
Live For The Journey |
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| Copyright © 2005 James Taris - All rights reserved | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
